I love Paula Abdul. She's adorable. She cries and we giggle, she slurs her speech all up one side and down the other of anyone who interviews her and we cackle like school children, she pitches tantrums and we say "aww...that's our Paula", she tries to be the nice guy on American Idol and we think "what a sweet little muffin she is." Some may think she's crazy, some may think she's a pill poppin' drunk, some may think she's just weird, but I think Paula is a riot and I love her.
She released some fun dance music in the late 80's/early 90's that made us all sing along and dance like crazy people in our living rooms. I own all 3 of her records: Forever Your Girl
, Spellbound
, Head over Heels
, and her Greatest Hits: Straight Up!
I am not ashamed I have these little gems in my album collection because they still make me smile when I pop them in my player, and I still sing along and dance in my living room over a decade later.
Her albums were fun, catchy, but by no means were they life altering pieces of art. They were pop records. Pop doesn't have to be talented. Pop doesn't have to have to be able to sing well. Pop doesn't even necessarily have to be good. (We ALL have that pop record in our collection that we look at and say "Oh my god...what was I thinking?") Pop just has to feel good.
Pop has a fool proof equation that works and gets us all to buy in which is: cute girl/boy (or group thereof) + club friendly beat + great choreography + MERCHANDISE = units sold. Paula fit this profile perfectly when she signed on with Virgin Records almost 20 years ago. She was cute, she was spunky, and she could dance her little booty off. A present day case and point: Britney Spears.
Now, 20 years later...although she does still fit the profile, and miss thing sure can shake what her momma gave her as well as ever, her catchy new single "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow" has struck a chord with me and it hit me in all kinds of the wrong way. The single is catchy, I like it, you can dance to it, it's a simple melody and easy to sing along to (which is very important in pop recordings), and the video showcases that Paula still looks amazing after all this time.
All those things are well and good, but her vocals are weak...transparent even. It makes me start thinking "Wow, you know if Paula was a contestant on "American Idol" I wonder if she'd even make it to Hollywood." If in fact she did make it through the first round, which upon thinking about it I seriously doubt she would, I am 100% certain she would not be making the cut to become one of the final 24. How is it that someone with her "talent" could possibly judge a singing competition when her voice has to be so over processed that it's almost non-existent on her new single? This does not seem to add up, then again...
American Idol runs like a well oiled machine. It's equation for success (like pop's) is very simple: street savvy judge + nasty/mean judge + wholesome/sweet former star judge (make sure she's cute) + very UNTALENTED contestants + genuine raw talent + cheesy pop music+ viewer votes = Hit Reality T.V. Maybe in the "real world" that the rest of us live in, someone of Abdul's talent or lack thereof would never judge anyone's singing ability, but in the world known as Hollywood she does.
She also managed to capitalize on her renewed fame that should have and did burn out over a decade ago, and gets a second chance to make us Shut Up and Dance: Dance Mixes
. Keep making that Pop Music miss thing, keep making me smile, and sing along, and dance around my living room. You're new single delivers what I need.
Check out Miss Paula's new video here:
which is set for release on July 8th. Keep an eye out for more from this Estonian Pop Princess... of Darkness that is...
